It's almost May- where is the year going? The days and weeks seem to be rolling by and what do we have to show for it? April has been a big month for me. In some respects I'm welcoming May with open arms, but I'm also spending some time reflecting on what has been an adventure of a month, too. It seems a while ago since I've had to spend the months of April and May burying myself in books and making copious notes in an attempt to absorb the sea of information from my GCSE and A Level classes, ready for exam hell, but funnily enough, 10 years on I still find myself preparing for even the smallest meeting in almost the same way. Although I sort of know my research area quite well, I constantly ask myself "what if I get asked this, or what if I get asked that, and I don't know the answer!" How embarrassing would that be- the one chance to shine in front of very important people and to not know the answer to their questions. I can almost feel the blood rushing to my face at the thought of everyone looking at me waiting for an answer. But hang on a minute, I'm only human. How on earth am I expected to know everything about my research interest? After all, if we knew everything about a particular subject why would we bother researching it even more?
I remember being a 2nd year PhD student (at which point I would have been 6 years into university education) and having to present my research findings to my whole research group (scary stuff). One of my examiners asked me a question that I didn't know the answer to. So I answered "sorry, I don't know", as you do. It didn't go down very well with my supervisor, who told me that next time I was asked something I didn't know, I must answer as intellectually as possible. Fair enough, perhaps I got scared and didn't try hard enough to answer my examiner's question adequately, and I won't ever forget the words of my supervisor afterwards. But what if I had tried to answer the question, not knowing the answer? I would have fumbled awkwardly for reason, for explanations, hoping that the answer would miraculously jump out and present itself to me. What would have been worse? A moment of honesty, or a few moments of desperately clawing for an answer? Looking back, I'm glad I answered the way I did. To this day, I am always true to myself and if I don't know the answer, I simply say so.
This approach might not always work, however, especially in written exam scenarios where you are expected to answer the question logically (which often gets misinterpreted as "regurgitate everything you have ever learned in this subject and hopefully the answer will be there somewhere"). So what can we do to ensure we enter an exam, or a meeting, as fully armed and prepared as we can possible be? There's no one solution to suit everybody, but my advice would be to prepare as much as you physically can in order to do your absolute best. If you can look yourself in the mirror and know you have done the best you can to prepare for an exam, or presentation, or meeting, then that's all anyone can ever expect of you. And good for you.
Waiting for results is always a fun time, isn't it? That not-knowing, the uncertain, the catalogue of doom and gloomy thoughts playing havoc with your imagination as you picture the worst result imaginable. And then the results are in. The feedback from the meeting wasn't too bad afterall; the grade of the exam was a nice surprise; everyone applauded your presentation. And breathe....you've done it! Big pat on the back for you.
But what if the results weren't as good as you hoped? This has happened to me a time or two (which isn't my favourite thing to admit), but it taught me a few things, and also made me question my future- is it humanly possible to be good at everything? Well, no. Do I enjoy this subject enough to invest my heart and soul into it? Obviously we can't say 'yes' all of the time to this, but if I can give any advice, not doing very well in one or two scenarios makes you appreciate when things do go right, and really helps you focus on what you enjoy doing as opposed to what you are doing because you have been asked to do it. There is always tomorrow to rectify a bad day today. There are always other opportunities round the corner. You just have to want to go get it. Apply yourself in what you really enjoy, in what really matters to you, and the rest will sort itself out.
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